Sunday, January 20, 2013


i'm an evil.
other people have been so kind to me, they have done so many things to meet my requirements in many situations.
sometimes it's not that i don't realize the atmosphere going on, i just don't want to know it, i don't care.
in my mind, i knew exactly what will happen if i take one decision that makes me happy will break their heart, but still i didn't care.
i saw nothing bugging me.
honestly, what matters to me is only the way i want to be treated.
i want them to fulfill everything i want, even if it'll cost them a lot.
even i knew it from the start that i will not or cannot pay them for anything back.
it's evil. i'm evil.
sorry and thank you.

wed, 15:16 090113

i'm the one putting myself in the lowest level a human being can ever possibly be thrown at.
i don't respect myself.
i'm not using my head or my heart, i'm using my stomach i can say.
i'm putting myself in the most dishonorable spot in this society.
i ruin my own name, my parent's, my family's, even my religion's.
is it truly my self living inside me?

sun, 02:16 200113

Monday, January 7, 2013

being [in]secure

i'm too scared to face the truth
i don't want to believe in anybody
i'm afraid to get hurt later on
i'm too used to think the future in the ideal state, which leads me to have no options
it's not because the other people, it's me
i'm the one living a lie
i deny every single things come across my "barrier"
i'm used to think i need no affection
affection is all bullshit
no one really cares about me, they only enjoy being accompanied

18.12.2012 Tue, 03:54

the best feeling in the world, is when you know someone is thinking about you in the moment before they close their eyes and after they open them.
surely, you will feel that this life is worth living.
thanks by the way

26.12.2012 Wed, 02:35

i now realize that things are not as good as i thought it would
it was just my perceptions, my fantasies, my predictions
now i feel the numbness, it has given me no effect
i couldn't even say whether it's fun or not, because i think it is just wrong
completely wrong from the beginning
this is the feeling when you know something is just not right from the start, but you want to give it a try, and you end up in the dump hole you made yourself
so you can't blame nobody
i feel like asking someone for an advice, but apparently i know the answer already
they will blame me for sure
and the only thing disturbing me is that, this has been involving many people
way too deep, because i love them as friends
good friends, best friends
they don't deserve my shit

30.12.2012 Sun, 02:11

tetep sih, suami idaman itu...
Ryan Fikri.
aamiin... :) 

01.01.2013 Tue, 12:16